I lost count

I just need to write this out, get it out of me and then I’m in weekend mode and not going to think or talk about it again. 

Today was a Friday from hell. I lost count how many times I said to myself what the F*#%.  Part of me looks at it and says you’re just pissed off because it’s Friday. But no. No that’s not what happened here. What happened here is I have been overworked and stressed out beyond maximum capacity for longer than I think I realize and I have lost ALL coping skills.

My morning was a normal Friday morning, just trying to get through the stuff that came in overnight, because yes I work for a company that outsources administrative jobs so India scans and loads documents on their time while I’m sleeping. So every morning I sign on to a buttload of work that needs cleaned up as if it wasn’t stressful already. Then we get the daily report run and my manager reassigned me more work from someone else’s desk, as if I didn’t have anything to do today. Then I spent an hour writing and finalizing a denial, don’t even need to comment on that. Then we get an email saying the other group in the company needs help making calls to determine if people have returned to work so we all have to assist with making extra calls. Here’s where I start to lose my crap. 1. I can’t even make all the calls I need to make on my own desk before the end of the day, how the hell do you think I have the capacity to do someone else’s calls? We get told we can take overtime to do it. Why the hell doesn’t the other group take overtime to do it? Why don’t the managers start making calls? Why don’t you get a project team that’s probably got half the work I’m doing to help make calls? 2. What the hell is going on in this company that we have a list of well over 300 claims that need to be followed up on to determine if someone returned to work? I can tell you I do not have 1 single claim on my desk that needs a follow up to figure out if someone went back to work or not. You set up your claims to basically manage themselves and you know the day the person is going back to work. So who’s the incompetent jerk that’s not doing their job? Apparently with the volume of items that need addressed the whole group isn’t doing their jobs. Ok end rant on that. 

After that pushed me to the edge, I get 6 voicemails in an hour, there’s someone my manager is talking to that requires my blood, there’s some lady that doesn’t know her ABC’s on the phone with another person and I’m still trying to get through the work I received over night. I can’t do it anymore. I’ve lost my ability to cope. I spent the last half hour of my day crying. I applied for another job and told them I would take a 7k pay cut just to see if they would outreach to me, I considered putting on there a 12k pay cut. That’s how desperate I am. I don’t care if I can’t pay my bills, my mortgage, eat. I don’t care. I can’t keep going in this capacity. 

Ok I feel better. I’m gonna head out to the grocery store then spend an hour or so job hunting this evening. I hope this change comes fast.

Other news, I weighed in this morning, down 2 lbs this week, making a total of 6.4 pounds for my first month on WW and that month included 10 days of a sinus infection with NO exercise, barely even 1000 steps a day, and the Christmas and New Years foodfests. So I feel pretty good about those 6 lbs for that month considering. Hope I can repeat it for my 2nd month. 


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