this semester hasn’t even officially started yet but i already feel dead inside.
i’m going to have to drop my first-year research thing because it’ll require at least 8-10 hours in the lab, not including time spent getting there and back, as well as studying for it.
nothing beats crying painfully before sleeping at midnight when you’re alone in your dorm room and really want to just end it all.
seven hours of work yesterday, five today. i’m going to walk to work in the rain and try not to feel dead and scared.
saturday i’ll need to go out and buy pads and toilet paper and various other things. sunday, more work. monday, work, then classes… goddamnit, i just want to cry.
i thought that once i got here i’d feel better, but apparently not.
i have to pay the remainder of my tuition… there’s a scholarship application i want to finish. how could i burden my parents with all of this… why is college so damn expensive anyway?
i just want to lay down and be warm and sleep. i want to see my friends, but at the same time, it gets exhausting being happy and energetic in front of them, and not be able to tell them why i’m so stressed because i’m just being stupid anyway.