Jan 12

Soap chipped in bathroom, cats have poo, fur, and litter glued to behinds, freezer door open, outside motion light front door not working. 

Chemical smell in house, sort of like super glue cigarettes left in jacket last night tampered, after smoking felt static going through me and anxious, legs moved nonstop after smoking a few. Have to buy new tobacco and put in safe immediately. 

Smelled garlicy stinky stuff when I was in basement, no oil on doorknobs yet. IDK what he’s spraying. Getting sleepy and dehydrated, eyes weeping and stinging from chemical in air. Getting stronger. 

Gums are healing, there’s not as much junk getting caught in them and I don’t have to use peroxide 5-6x to remove plaque and coffee.  They are much whiter. 

Throat still hurts, turning my neck is worse, swallowing and breathing still difficult .examining rest of my body and marks that appeared on neck several mornings for months at a time through the years, it seems he has been somehow cracking the joints of the bones. Recall he grabbed my finger cracked the knuckle and said oops I’m supposed to do that when you’re asleep. Another time it was my wrist. Both times he laughed. Rare that I’ve seen him laugh, he’s always grumpy .Drugs I believe, as they make me grumpy too. He told me he’s given arthritis in hands, neck, knee, and arms at different times throughout the 10 years I spoke to him. I’m going to set appt with neck Dr next week .I still see bruising around neck and throat. 

He also told me he broke someone’s bone, yours. I didn’t inquire further as I was beginning to believe him to be dillusional. At the time I was very stoned and couldn’t feel any pain. I did see black around my neck, feet, sides of stomach, back, and hip but never knew I was injured. I thought it was dirt and couldn’t figure where it came from. 

Driving to christnet saw him turn down 10th off Southfield. Almost ran into him on eureka  when I was pulling out of center to come to location. Driving tan van with brown or black door handles, the rape van I call it. He said that was my van and has toys for me and tools he uses on my house to deconstruct it. 

Super glue like smell in my car, rug was pushed forward. 

Thinking about what he does to my body, seems like a criminal minds case where the women are taken to some secluded location and tortured; he does it right in woman’s house! IDK if he would kill, but I don’t put it past him. He’s not dumb to do what he does, and with the drugs and crazy making stuff hes done to me to make me look nuts, shows he’s a lot smarter than anyone knows. He couldn’t read so his iq doesn’t show as high as it is. He’s good with technical stuff, learns what he wants to rather than what he has to. His family and associates were not exemplary, so my guess is he decided on life of crime when he was young and didn’t need to learn in school and certainly was not coached at home to do anything worth while with his life. 

Why pick on me I am asked. Opportunity, I was totally unaware dreams I had were real! I know there are other victims, I’m probably the longest running at 32 years now.  Maybe the only one aware of it. Maybe he did tell other victims and like me they didn’t believe it. Maybe he was seen but can’t be identified by the victim, who may not realize she was raped and tortured. 

He’s also very possessive and this is no secret. In his mind I belong to him, I’m a toy to be played with, experimented on and eventually discarded. Maybe he will never discard, idk. He gets rid of everything he owns except vehicles, these only when he has to. His fleet is precious to him it seems. 

Always now I wonder about women who have died from natural causes, is it from his drugs? My friend marcia had heart condition and he hinted he got her, at that time he was administering large amounts of ghb to me. Marcia got goofy too, then died. Jan harowski also got goofy for long time like ghb, green told me he was responsible for her sugar getting so high. It’s under control now. He’s playing god with us, watching us suffer at his hand. 

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