Underneath the Surface

Sometimes we don’t realize people’s true intentions. Each and every person has a reason for the things they choose to do. And for me? I can’t even recognize my own. Every night I lay awake, in pain….in doubt..and in fear. Fear of my own thoughts, the thoughts that make me portray sleep, as agony. I question who I am, who I’ve become and how I’ve gotten this way. I’ve been defeated by my own subconscious and mind. My mind a broken record. Negativity on replay…. my crying feels endless, crying oceans each and every night. My sobbing heart aching for any alternatives…but my thoughts reply with none. Each tear represents my hurt from something distinctive. Whether it was my own doing or someone else’s. I used to look into the mirror and know exactly who I am. But now I gaze… pondering the desolation and misery that has now become my familiar expression. What is the reason I feel this way, might you ask? I question it myself to be honest… I don’t see the qualities that the people I love perceive… I only see the face of a lost soul, one who may solely look in the mirror one day and glimpse a striking smile and say “You are wonderful.” 

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