Midnight Thoughts.

Its midnight, and I can’t sleep. I miss Ayato. I’m waiting for his call because we did’t get a chance to speak today. He’s working so much, and stays busy during his lunch breaks too. 🙁 

I made some chrysanthemum tea and listening to Heifetz. The master. Speaking of which, I want to start playing again. I stopped playing three years ago. I’ve been playing the violin since I was three years old. And I stopped three years ago because I was struggling with depression, I almost killed myself. I just remember waking up everyday, hating the thought of how long the day would last, seeing no point in being alive. Just the absolute worst. And then I lost my will to play, because it made me all the more depressed that the one thing that I loved so passionately lost all its beauty to me. I know that it might sound stupid to some, but that nearly killed me. But one of my new year promises that I made to myself was that I would start playing again.  

Though I guess I should be studying, I’m feeling lazy. Its a cold night. Its late at night.  Its a peaceful night though, at least in my neighborhood. Ive got a great view, and I really wish my baby was here. Though he would probably be sleeping or keeping me company trying to stay up lol. It just sucks not being able to see him for months and our only form of contact is Facetime. It really really sucks. Sure the reunion is great and all. But its painful to be 5,000mi. away from the person you love day after day. Especially when you were so close to them and would see them almost every day. 

Tomorrow I have a full day of lecture and lab. I’m so fucking over it. Its my last semester and its only started and my senioritis is already this bad lol. I saw Ayato’s exgirlfriend and her boyfriend today. I didn’t have class today but I went to campus to pay my fees. I ran into her in the fiscal office and she pretty much went white as a ghost when she saw me. Then she gave me an impressive death glare. I just looked down and walked away. I really can’t wait until I’m no longer surrounded by these people. 

I want to go sleep.

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