Feb 11

Car doors locked normally when I arrived and left host church. I think he is playing with them remotely to let me know he can get in my car whenever he desires. 

Cats getting sick I’m at home. I can smell something like deodorizer spray I rarely use in the house because my cat has allergies and they aren’t good to breathe in. I think he’s here. Thought I heard something before cat started puking. Figured he’d already be inside since I couldn’t tell if I were followed this morning, but I wonder if he maybe just got here after I sat down to journal .7.55am.  freezer door wasn’t open when I got here.  Hearing footsteps, very slow, one every few minutes. Either that or it’s the door. How he can use the back door idk I jammed the lock and have to take it to locksmith to fix. Unless he’s been here and in the attic? IDK. Useless trying to find him. 260lb and I can’t find him in my house. How is this remotely possible? If not for the evidence I would think I’m nuts…

I’m feeling sick, tired and disinterested in doing anything. I’m pretty sure it’s chemical of some sort. 8.48. 

2.26 he’s in here. I can hear movement. Thought he left for the day. Hope he couldn’t get to the car.  IDK what he’s doing I took shower and didn’t think he was still in the house then. Maybe he left and came back. 

Front bedroom smells like his sweat. Haven’t looked to see what he’s doing in there. 

My legs, feet, and arms and hands are hurting. It almost feels like I slept at home. Hands look a little swollen. My head also hurts, eyes are pained and they are getting painfully dry. Skin is very dry. My neck and throat are also beginning to hurt again. I guess more bruises are coming to the surface. 

Checked for footprints at back door, nothing. I didn’t look at the roof though. I think he uses the windows. I have seen big mess on roof with snow for years but never realized someone was on the roof. He prefers the doors but will use whatever means to get in and has said before that he wants to get in my house through the windows. 

Coming to host church I noticed a van behind me, white with red stripes, also saw a white truck pass by when I was turning into driveway. IDK if green were in either of those vehicles, never know what he is driving. This would have been around 6.15

Polyurethane on the floor has been sanded off in newer places.  There’s a large area in dining room I noticed it years ago, mentioned it to green, a few months after I moved in.  I did that he said…also noticed finish sanded off the built in China cabinets. They were so beautiful once, I was so proud of the woodwork in here, now the doors don’t fit right and hinges seem to be off. There’s not a thing in this house he hasn’t messed with. Setting pattern. 

Checked out basement a little, noticing the wood beams are cracking in spots, and the knots in the wood are being carved out with either a small screwdriver or dental tool. Ppl have said that’s a normal occurrence, but I say this house was built in 1924, why all of a sudden is this happening and didn’t before. 

Looks like a brick on the bottom next to the floor is literally being carved out behind the toilet. One must look closely to see that it’s not just happening, there are little marks in it from a tool of some sort. He tries to make it look natural, so one must inspect the area carefully. Geesh when will they pick him up so I can get on with repairs and get a renter to help with bills. 

There’s a crack in my wall underneath my room. A steam pipe runs through this wall, and I believe someone is either jumping on the radiator or heavy person is standing on it .I’ve noticed for years it seems the ratiators are sinking into the floor or having so much weight, warping the floor beneath them. Again, this is simply not a natural occurance. Radiators sit in buildings for years and never sink or warp the floor beneath. Also the wood is carved out between the grooves under the radiators, and when they leak the water goes through to the subfloor. He told me he wanted to wreck my house. He wants me in an apartment, I hated living in apartnents. 

I remember he told me he caused my knee to go out, and also my kneecaps were off to the side of my leg when I woke up, and claimed responsibility for all aches and pains I experience.  I didn’t believe him then, and said why would you do that? I need to be independent and don’t want to be in a nursing home, I don’t have anyone to help take care of me and don’t want to. He said he will take care of me. He said let’s go to Ohio and get married. 

Grey truck with white bed and windows was parked on the street beside the apartments, that was strange. It was there for a few hours and a white thin male drove off. I can’t help but wonder if he’s a friend of greens. Green sometimes parks there, kinda like an Fu to the ppl across the street who look out for my property. No one sees him get in or out of the vehicles that I’m aware of! If he’s parked around here he’s either in my house or in the lesbians house. 

At the church last night  put on new PJs bought for me, I left them in the car yesterday. The collar on the shirt is stretched. He got into my car even with all the eyes on it, either at my house or intake ccr. What else did he do to my car? Lord please let today be the day. 

Large dark truck followed me at different points yesterday, I think it’s brown? Idk it Followed me to host church right on my tail. It was on my tail when I was on o. D. Heading toward freeway and on my tail again on eur. 

Remember seeing phone books in my bedrooms when I woke up. I remember green telling me he wished I would keep them instead of throw them away because he uses them on me. I was puzzled, but didn’t ask what he does with them. Recall seeing them in other odd places, such as on tables, even chairs. For a long time I was OCD and kept everything in it’s place, and I couldn’t figure out why these weren’t where they belonged, especially since they were rarely used! I  also remember a few paperback Bibles with broken binding, just overnight the covers were frayed and glue came loose from the binding, at times pages were in the wrong place of the book. Many times I recall hurting and having headaches when I saw these items out of order. I remember a few phonebooks that looked like they had been used to hit something. Setting pattern. I remember green hitting me with a folder  that had some papers in it, and recall him clearly saying oops that’s not gonna hurt ya and laughing. Beside my bed at my house I’ve noticed Bibles and even catechism on the floor next to the bookcase, out of place, and looking like they were used to hit something. All that jarring and hitting my head, I’m sure my brain was swelled, I’m careful how much I drink to avoid hangovers and brain swell, and now I wonder if there’s damage to my brain cells from being hit over and over. Can I come back from this at my age? I know he hated that I wanted and tried to be successful, when I went back to college he was upset! IDR what he said but I remember the tone, the look on his face and thinking why is he trying to control me? Often I had car trouble when I was in college, many  flat tires and rims also had to be replaced, spark plugs replaced and then come loose and unusually dirty, fluids removed, broken windows and stereo stolen. He did claim to breaking my windows and taking stereo, but there were people who did that in the neighborhood. But, what better way to pass the buck right?  He claimed a lot of car damage over the years, why should I doubt him? Why doubt anything he said he’s done? Some things could have just happened, but why would he say he did it? Doesn’t make sense. 

4 thoughts on “Feb 11”

  1. Hearing footsteps would just send me over the edge of being scared. I don’t know if I could remain in the house if I were alone and hearing that. Is the entrance into your attic outside or inside? I use to be very afraid when the entrance to ours was outside. I would be paranoid that someone was up there and looking at me through the air vents. Then we closed in our carport and it was inside and that made me feel safer. I know for sure I would be too afraid to get in the shower. I’m so sorry you have to live this way and that you aren’t able to feel safe in your own home.

    So, have you ever had a renter in your home and if so did they notice anything strange going on? I still wonder if he is taking credit for a lot of things that he didn’t actually do…it does seem very strange.

  2. Hi Vicki. Yes it does seem strange and a little unrealistic, however he spends so much time around my house what is he doing? And stuff is damaged or missing….idk, how many times my car was messed with in the past, obvious someone broke windows and mirrors, messed up the rims, etc. I don’t live the kind of life to have enemies, so who did it I ask myself….who has so much hatred for me over all these years? There’s too many things that are messed up at an accelerated rate. It seems implausible but if he’s in my house for several hours what’s he doing? And there’s details every day and I’m not even looking much at the house anymore, I just can’t
    It makes me sick. You’d have to live my life for awhile or at least observe every day to really get an understanding of it. It is weird and strange, but his hobby is wrecking women’s lives. I’ve been very accessable for all these years. Shrugs. What can I say? Maybe you’re right, but I just don’t have peace about it, something nags in my gut.

  3. Oh, I wasn’t saying I didn’t believe that he is messing with you. I believe you. I was just saying that it/he is strange to spend so much time messing with your life. Because of the type of person he seems to be, I wouldn’t put it past him to take credit for not only the things he for sure did but also to try to take credit for things that maybe he didn’t just because it gives him pleasure to see him scared and uncomfortable in your own home, car…everywhere.

  4. Ah, that does make sense! Though there was one thing a gutter that turned over he pointed out to me and said I didn’t even do that! But I wish I did. So it makes me wonder if he told me that. Then everything else is true? IDK. Shrugs

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