Teddy bears and stolen hearts

The way I feel and the way I act are not in sync. I hide the emotion because I adore our connection. Your actions tell me that you don’t possess the same feelings. You try to convince me that you care a great deal… 

When she’s being mean, you run to me.

When she’s not giving you what you want, you run to me.

When she’s not emotionally available, you run to me. 

But I have a human heart.

Our conversations could go on for days and we share a lot of the same goals. Our lives don’t match nor do you want them to. You love me but will never admit it. But it doesn’t matter because you’ll never give me the life that I’ve dreamed of. You’ll never be the man that I’ve dreamed of. You’ll never give me the family that I love for. You’ll never give me your last name. You’ll never give me all of you. 

Sometime is wonder…

Who broke your heart so bad?

What does she have that makes you stay?

Why do you enjoy being hurt?

Why won’t you trust me?

Why are you so inconsistent?

You are not to be blamed. I AM! I am the one that allows this to continue. You’ve already said that I’d be the one to get hurt.

I wonder, will you hurt if I walk away?

Will you think of me?

Why does it matter?

You’re never there when I truly need you. You have made me your best kept secret. Again, I am the one to blame. You said I deserve better, and I do. I deserve everything I want and more! And I believe you. I am deserving. 

Does that mean that you really love me or I don’t love myself enough?

I was willing to hurt a bit to feel desired. Is that wrong? 

Am I desperate?

Am I lonely?

Why do I continue to suffer for you? 

What is it about you that I crave?

You’re soft side is sexy. You’re vulnerability at times makes me melt. Your touch was amazing. Sometimes  I wonder if it’s just an act or do you really enjoy my company. I’m just a space filler who is always available….

It was short lived, your touch. It’s been so long since I’ve felt you and I miss it so much. But you don’t miss me and that’s real. 

You’re too busy for me. For the second time, I’ve played the fool. 

My heart is human I guess. Love is a human emotion. It’s impossible to give something away that you’ve never truly possessed.

… The heart of my teddy bear.


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