A girl who was born without part of her arm said she had to learn to love herself (something we’ve all heard, but find hard to do) and once she was able to, she met her fiancé.
Another young lady was shot in a nightclub shooting. She talks about how you see life differently after a near death experience and the thought of someone taking your freedom. She goes on to describe how hard life is when you are living in fear and that it can be tremendously hard to overcome.
As I sat down to write today I didn’t know what I’d write about. To follow up with my previous post, let’s just say that I tried to aim for a happy medium that day and ended up drunk anyways (safely, in my own home). Needless to say, that’s NOT my proudest moment, nor do I want to write about it.
Then, these two stories popped into my head. Stories that I heard on two entirely different shows this morning. None the less, they both struck a nerve.
I am now questioning, do I live my life in fear? Not here and there, or in certain situations, but is my entire life circled around it? I’m starting to think the answer is yes. And maybe this isn’t even news to me? After all, my incessant need to be in control so bad things don’t happen seems to easily translate into a fear of bad things happening lol.
Anyways… You know the long list. The fear of being sexually assaulted again, the fear of another car accident, the fear of surgery, the fear of never finding love as I am, the fear of never feeling successful again, of never finding a cure, etc. And honestly, that’s all I have so far. I don’t have a brave speech to follow. I don’t have these wise words to give or declarations of how I’m going to live this day forth, unafraid and spontaneous, and loving myself as I am! Because that just doesn’t feel true.
What feels true is that there is a spark of awareness, saying “Hey, maybe that’s me?” followed by a mere curiosity. If that is me, how can I live differently? How can I take steps, no matter how big or small, to live more freely and with less fear? Maybe noticing is all I need. Maybe being aware of “Hey, I’m feeling scared” is all that’s needed to tell myself “I hear you, but let’s do this anyway?” or “I hear you but we are safe”. Maybe all you need to be brave is an accumulation of small moments where you are kind and loving towards yourself and you just…listen. Maybe, contrary to popular belief (and the way I’ve lived my life thus far), bravery is being able to say to yourself/others “I’m feeling unsafe” or “I’m really freaked out/scared”, rather than declaring that we are strong and tough and not afraid of anything! Hmm… Maybe 🙂