Letter writing/Marriage

I enjoy writing letters, but no one writes me back except my nephew that is unfortunately locked in Denver jail for killing his Uber passenger. He has written a few letter back to me which has been really nice. I will give him a break. His trial will begin April 1. He has been there since June 2017. The passenger attacked him while driving on the freeway at 2:30 in the morning. My nephew has never been in trouble with the law. He is a good child of God, son, brother, husband and outstanding father to two very young sons. This has been a total nightmare for the entire family. I write to him at least twice a week since this has happened. He is also sharing the word of God with others by having Bible study and writing a children’s book. I have been doing some editing for his book also. He was an Art student in Denver so the illustrations are being done by him also. I steady pray for his release soon. 
Back to my letter writing. I enjoy writing to people to surprise them since no one really writes letters any more. I have been told by my niece that she hardly ever check her mailbox. A cousin of mine said, “Yes I got your letter.” I didn’t get around to reading it until later. Wow, no urgency to read my well thought out letters. That kind of hurt my feels because they were meant to bring a smile upon their faces. People are so outspoken , but don’t really think about how their words can hurt. Oh, well, those people are off my list of letters to write. Plus, my niece told me that people don’t write letter anymore. I remember when Dad was living he would write letters to us often. Maybe that’s where I get the love of writing letters and just plain writing in general. I have lots of my dad’s letters he wrote to us and his notes he randomly wrote on tablets around the house. I sometimes want to make a book of his notes, but it doesn’t seem like anyone in the family really care one way or the other what he had to say when he was a live.
I guess I could take time to make a book that will just be my personal accounts of Dad’s writing. I also have a few poems in a book that he and mom both wrote. I definitely want those to be preserved. I wish they could be passed on to someone that cared about him and appreciate his talent for writing. If he would have known about these journals online, he would have taken advantage of them and wrote in them. Who know, maybe he did. 
No one will ever know that I have these journal writings online when I leave this earth. Should I tell someone that they are here. I wonder will the people that run this website will even care if my journal entries just begin to become inactive and read them and find them a little bit interesting. 
I am not a very interesting person. I should have never ever gotten married. I don’t do well in a long relationship. MY poor husband should be with someone that is prettier, outgoing, and put up with sarcasm. He is not a very romantic person that really is a turn off for me. It’s just not in him to be romantic toward me at least. I really think he likes Asian women. He told me he would rather we with this Asian woman that was helping to remodel our bathroom than me. She was working along with her husband. He also said he knew I was a slut when he met me. WOW! ME a SLUT! I am the nowhere close to being a slut if he really knew me. He does sneaky things that I have found on his phone and places he goes on Youtube. He says really rude comments that let me know he doesn’t appreciate me as a wife and thinks that I would allow him to touch me intimately. I must either continue to live a loveless marriage or plan my escape to be in a much happier situation. That doesn’t mean with another man, just with an atmosphere of peace of mind. I would love to live by the water. The only problem with that is the storms that destroy homes in Galveston when there is flooding or hurricanes. I think Galveston would be a really beautiful place to live the rest of my life. 
Oh, I must admit I too have called my husband mean names, but never to compare him to another man and wish i was with another man instead of him. From that moment on when my husband said that to me, I was no longer his wife. I am just a person that lives in this house along side him in a separate room. I have slept in a separate room for over 15 year or more from him. I got tired of him disrespecting my sleep time. He would get up for work and keep all kinds of noise while I sleep. He would sat on the bed and put his shoes on and have no respect for me as a light sleeper. Drawers would be opened and closed loudly, lights would be turned on, doors shutting. I finally many many years ago moved to the sofa and then to my oldest son’s bedroom when he went to college. I have suffered to many years unhappy for all kinds of reasons that may only matter to me. I would always to and stand in the closet and get dressed when he was sleeping out of respect for his sleep time. This is why I should not be married to anyone. I have to be with someone that thinks of my feelings too. Okay, I’m tired of writing for now. I have so much clutter in my home due to these sleeping arrangements. I had to start living up front due to my clothing being in the bedroom over the years. Meaning I had to prepare my clothes for work outside the bedroom area instead of going to my closet and getting what I would wear to work. Then clothing would start being left upfront due to my husband going to bed so early and “AGAIN” me respecting his sleep time, I would not go in the room to get clothes and shoes or whatever I needed for work. Sometimes I would just burst in the room and get what I wanted when I would think about how ridiculous this marriage really is. 
Another reason I am still living here (before I close for today), I have four dogs (which three are senior dogs) and lots of other pets that are always being taken care of by me. I can’t just give them away since they have only known me for the last 12 or 13 years. I may end up dying before them. You never know. I just know, I have wasted a lot of years staying in this marriage. LORD HELP ME!!! 

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