I’m back home! I was hospitalized for a few days. I was sick for quite awhile before my hospitalization, mostly due to my previous doctor diagnosing me with the flu instead of pneumonia – which I had. It went undiagnosed until it got so bad that I could no longer breathe on my own and had to get urgent medical care. I was hospitalized for four days, getting oxygen therapy, strong antibiotics and lots of xrays. 

Now I’m back home and I’m exhausted. I feel so drained of energy, yet I have trouble sleeping from everything that is weighing on my mind. 

My parents couldn’t visit me in the hospital, but my bestfriend Elke did visit me everyday. It wasn’t anything major, but its nice to not feel so lonely. Because sometimes it does get lonely here in this city no matter how big. I don’t have any of my family, I don’t have many friends, and I don’t have my boyfriend here. My boyfriend is in Sweden right now. He’s getting his family’s government records; his family’s birth certificates, especially his father’s birth certificate, parents marriage license, etc. It’s kind of a hard time for him since he hasn’t been back there since he was 11-12. He’s filing for Japanese citizenship which means he would have to abscond his EU Swedish citizenship since Japan does not permit dual. He’s also doing it because we need to get the paper work to legally marry in Japan and have our marriage license, so I can also get a visa. I miss him so much, I wish he could have came to see me but we really couldn’t waste time with getting our marriage to be legal in Japan, which might take a few months, I don’t really know how long. He has my birth certificate, and everything we need, but we didn’t have his dad’s and thats how he can prove his right to citizenship.

And he really had a hard time going back to Sweden, its been an emotional trip he tells me. I feel awful because I had promised him I would accompany him, but things didn’t work out that way. He did make it to visit his parents burial site, along with his little sister, and that was the first time he has ever visited them. He was really torn up about it, he called me afterwards and told me he couldn’t really stay long, it was emotionally draining and I couldn’t even comfort him because I was really sick in the hospital. He said he feels so alone after seeing his family’s graves, it reminded him what it was like to be so scared as a little boy having no mother or father to depend on. And then all his past trauma that followed. He called me and told me that he feels really low and really misses me. I try my best to comfort him but I can only do so much being on the other side of the world. But I always remind him of the promise we made, that we’re going to be together, and we’re gonna have lots of babies, and he’s going to have a big family and thats his future. He always finds comfort in me reminding him that its never going to stay like this forever, although I’ve learned that I can’t promise him that it won’t always hurt like this forever. But I am always going to be there for him. 

I miss him, I worry about him, and I can’t wait for the time when we won’t be so far apart. 

In the meantime, we have our wedding planning to do. Good news, we got our venue after all. Which means we’re getting married in a little less than 5 months. 🙂 It seems so far away. 

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