[505] ~*Mon – 03/25/19*~

[10:42 pm]

Well, work was back to its normal crazy self today. I really don’t know where I stand with work and I’ve been debating on things and I don’t know what I should be doing. I was approached today to see if I wanted to move to another dept but the thing is, my shift would change. That said, I can’t. I need to work in the morning so I can have my clients after work and if I take this, I won’t be able to have my clients and I can’t afford that. It’s really sad but because of my second job, I don’t think I will ever get anywhere at this job. The only time I’ll be able to take up another position is if it pays more and I can leave my clients behind. That would be fine with me beside my movie buddy cause I really don’t know how he would take it. I know he wouldn’t see anyone else and I feel terrible to ever leave him but will I stop myself from advancing because of him?! It’s the question that is eating me right now cause if ever I advance and need to change my schedule, I won’t have time for him and I refuse to take one of my days off for him. This whole change was so I could finally have two days off so I’m not going backward again. I just really don’t know where I want to be going. I also don’t really want to not have clients at all cause then I’m really leaving the field and I’m not ready for that. As much as I love my current job, it’s not what I studied for and if it comes to where it’s the only thing I’m doing, I don’t think I would feel right. I just really don’t know how to work it out cause there is no way I can work this client into my day if I have to switch to a different shift. Blah!

I went to the Casino with my friend and did terrible as I’ve played $40 and lost it. I guess it’s not too bad as we had fun and she paid for the buffets so I saved $20 on that. I just feel bad cause I always spend and hub never does and when he does, I yell at him. I only do so cause when he spends, it’s something big. I always feel bad cause I’m always the one doing the extra spending’s (the hair, the gambling, etc.) but honestly, I work hard for my extra money so I shouldn’t feel bad about it. He works his 40 hrs and that’s it while I work 50+ hours and I am the one who brings in the savings as he basically makes his share of bills and that’s it.

Anyways, I’m off tomorrow and I already know that I will be sleeping all day as I always do. I’m so very tired but I know I won’t be sleeping until 2-3 am cause I still want to sing, watch a show or two while playing on my farming game and then I need to read. 


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