I find it hard that those around me are selfish until I realize I am too, we all are. We delude ourselves into thinking we care more about others than they do of us but most of what we do is so they will receprocate, or love us or, acknowledge us. True selfless action is tough. Even mother teresa could have done it for entrance to heaven or service of god.
The best you can do is do both. Serve yourself and your families interests while serving others. That way it is not as grey, a business owner who treats his employees well. A coach who makes a decent salary. You are not fooling anyone, but doesn’t everyone question their own motivations? If they don’t, doesn’t that land them in the grey? Sure you went to a soup kitchen, but you told people about it, felt good about doing it.
I suppose it is the skeptic in me. I am always reminded about people who think their coworkers are friends. People they have not hung out with outside of work, and will never see again if they leave. Sure trade some emails, follow each other on facebook, but if you want to call them a friend, get together with them when they have a choice to be elsewhere.