Is it Friday (Saturday) yet?

I still pay the house phone at Jerry’s house. It’s still in my name. Almost $60 a month. He’s had that same number for 40 years and doesn’t want to change it. I couldn’t get James to go down to sign the account over to him. The day we were supposed to do it he didn’t answer his phone. 

So I shut their internet off-which was in my name at the time. 

That got his attention. The next day he got internet and cable at the house, but the company wouldn’t let me port he number to him for some dumb reason. So, I felt bad for Jerry so I kept paying the bill. 

$60 a month. $60 a month I am paying, unreimbursed, for a telephone line in my ex’s house. AND-I don’t get child support from said Ex.

So I’m technically paying my ex to take care of the kids he doesn’t see or support. 

Isn’t that a kick in the teeth. 

He’s supposed to get them every other weekend, and I go there Tuesdays and Thursdays for a few hours between school and soccer practice. 

He’s never there on Tuesdays and Thursdays. 

Friday, as I was turning onto his road to drop the kids off, he texts me and tells me he’s too busy and not to drop them off. 

SMH. 

Trust me, I’m not at all upset about not leaving my kids there. It just pisses me off he is so irresponsible and uninvolved. A deadbeat no doubt. 

MB is out of town this week. He’s in Houston for a work thing. He’ll be home Thursday but I won’t see him til Saturday. It’s been a long week so far. Today was especially difficult. I really missed him. I miss him every day, but today was particularly hard. I just want him…need him here to hold me and kiss me. 

The last night he was here was so…intense. We’re intense together. I think that’s the best word for it. I’ve never had someone spend so much time touching me-without actually fucking me. At one point I got so overwhelmed I had to stop. He thought something was wrong. I’m not good at….words. Especially when it’s intimate or vulnerability. I didn’t even know what to say. I just…needed to breathe. Regroup. 

Maybe I shouldn’t. Now that I think about it, maybe I shouldn’t have stopped. 

But it all seemed so soul shaking-shattering. I’m not sure I can go….there. 

Anyway, I think I might pay my van off. I have the money to do it. Then it would be one less bill, and no interest. I’ll dedicated that payment to a credit card I have. The card is 0% interest until the end of the year. I can have it paid off before that. 

I’m awesome at changing the subject. 

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