I don’t know about you, but a day when there are guests coming over is always a special day.

Firstly, it’s a Saturday (90% of the time), and you’ve planned to sleep in (because you’ve only had 25 hours of sleep the past 5 days due to your tendency to either pull an all-nighter studying or to wake up three hours before you have to leave for school), however your mum decides to hoover at 11 in the bloody morning! Truly appalling!

Secondly, everything has a different smell. You come downstairs and out of nowhere, the bathroom smells like it’s been submerged in disinfectant with a hint of lavender. Then you enter the kitchen which smells like whatever the fuck your mum’s been making since 6 am (although the guests arrive at 6 pm), but for most people (for me, I’m the only one who matters) it smells of melted chocolate and some kind of savoury food.

Thirdly – there is nothing to eat. Everything’s reserved for the guests. Oh, you want a piece of bread? Here, have a diet sesame cracker that tastes of cardboard and has been sitting in the pantry for over two weeks.

Fourthly, your nan comes to pick up you and your luggage (by luggage I mean your PJs, your knickers, your retainer, the encyclopedias you need for your politics class paper that you know you won’t have the patience to write but you bring them anyway, your skincare, and lastly, your sister) which always feels like you’re getting ostracized by a bunch of popular girls in school who are about to have an amazing party with a bunch of booze and chocolate cake.

Fifthly, the caterer comes bringing the veal, potatoes, vegetables and other delicious shit your parents have decided to splurge on and has a beer with your dad while mum waits for the guests nervously, walking around the house in heels and full attire.

Sixthly, you come back in the late morning, have some leftovers and look at what the guests got you. There’s this couple that always bring my sister and I some candy along with some skincare or “light cosmetics”. Usually the products don’t do shit for your skin or looks in general, but hey, at least the couple are trying. And they always wrap them up nicely. So there’s really nothing to complain about.


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