April 15th, 8:27PM.
Today, I heard from him, and it told me everything I needed to know, however definitely not the way he’d probably intended. It taught me I should never rely on anyone, that people are cowards, and often weak and selfish when it comes to important decisions that leave everyone around them broken, like shards of glass, unintentionally hurting the next person they too come across.
Today, marks the beginning of something new. Marks a day where I will drag myself out of bed every morning, and work on myself. Do everything for myself. I will also choose to be selfish now.
My heart is weak too, I’m upset I even allowed him to have that half-hearted conversation with me, anything he did have to say, he knew where I lived, and it was everything I heard before. It felt like a political statement, that shit important people spew out once their shitty sex tapes have leaked. But I guess it made him feel better anyway, that’s all that ever mattered to him.
He will rue this day. I am glad he’s not eating, I’m glad he’s not leaving the house. He deserves it. I hope it rips him apart when he sees me doing well, I hope it churns up his insides because it really could have been us. Together.
I am strong, I am resilient, and I have been through worse. All pain is temporary, even life itself comes to an end. I refuse to waste it on a boy who didn’t know my worth.
I will try and continue writing, and I think everyone is thanking fuck that I will be doing considerably less whingeing about this boy, although I will write about him when those moments call.
In a weird way, I am glad he wrote me that shitty message. I didn’t reply, and I won’t ever, I doubt I’ll ever speak to him again, but it taught my naïve self a lot. I won’t let my hardships in this world make my heart hard, but I must learn that not everyone possesses the same heart I do, and I should be a lot more careful and guarded about who I give it to.
And to him, this is not me being bitter. This is me piecing myself back together and trying to move on. Fuck you. Well and truly.