It is funny how sometimes the smallest of things cause a spark in us.
Last week I was mindlessly scrolling through quotes when I saw one that said “Always say “My peace is more important” when you find yourself reacting to something that doesn’t deserve your energy. Prioritize your inner wellness and cultivate an active mindset of peace by consciously deciding that you’ll elevate higher than any situation that arises.” I thought about it for a minute and the next time I was in such a situation, the thought “My peace is more important” popped into my head and I thought “Huh, yeah!” and I felt relieved. I acknowledged that I still felt bothered by the thought but I didn’t feel weighed down by it. It was more like “Okay, I see you but my peace is more important so I’m letting you move on now.” Then I wrote it on a sticky note and have been saying that to myself multiple times a day… When I think of dressing up for someone else or I’m afraid to send a picture because my hair is fluffy and wavy and looks like a lion, I do it anyways. Because this is my peace. My peace is dressing for ME, regardless of whether or not it’s the cutest or the fanciest outfit. My peace is wearing my hair fluffy and wavy and like a lion because, well, this is how it naturally looks and I don’t want to (nor can I stand) for a half an hour to straighten it! And, ironically, after months of fighting it and being angry about not being able to do my hair, I have embraced the fluff and I rather love it! So there lol.
Reminding me of this is helping me to let go. To let go of possessions I’ve held onto for no reason other than I got it when I was with my ex or because they bought it for me. Or even things family and friends have given me that no longer serve me, yet I’ve held onto them because I feel guilty for getting rid of them.
This is what I wrote about yesterday. But today, I know that by getting rid of things now, I will not only have less to do and less stress when the time to move actually arrives but I will feel more comfortable with it knowing that I am only taking with me things that I love and I will be confident (at least in this moment I feel like I will be!) that I can make a home anywhere! I have always said that as long as I have my dog, I’ll be okay. And I truly believe that. Sure, I’m not thrilled at the idea of moving into an apartment after six years of renting big, beautiful houses with garages and yards and what not. But I’m reassured that I’ll be surrounded by things that make me happy and that is a comfort that money can’t buy. And, of course, she’ll be by my side too. So as much as I wanted to buy a house and I wanted to keep what I have now, I don’t NEED it. And I don’t NEED fancy clothes or expensive things to be happy, to be me. After all, most of the fancy clothes haven’t left the closet in 3 years anyways lol.
Nope, I am back to my cowgirl boots and sweatshirts and honestly, I feel the most like myself that way. In those dresses, I was always trying to “keep up with the Jones’s” or in my case, I was trying to fit into a big city and follow in the footsteps of my co-workers who always had the latest handbags (I never did buy a fancy purse, ironically. Mine cost like $15 and was a Christmas present from my Mom. But hell, it looked fancy to me and I STILL use it everyday!) and the fanciest shoes and who weighed 100 lbs in their stiletto heels while I was always just looked like an overweight, less expensive, wanna be protégé. Though, I never really wanted to be like them if we’re being honest. I was trying to fit what the company expected of me so that my opportunities for advancement were in line with my goals. And somewhere along the line I lost myself completely. I refused to leave the house without makeup on my days off and I tried to be fancy even when I wasn’t working. It was EXHAUSTING! Now, someone asks me to do something at the last minute and I lead with “I’m not doing my hair, I have no makeup on and I’m wearing sweats, if you’re okay with that then I’m in.” Ha-ha. Or I tell them if they want me to put on pants and some lipstick then I need at least an hour…
Hey, I don’t move fast anymore and it is one thing I am coming to terms with. If I wear myself out saying I’ll be ready in 10 then I’m just going to disappoint everyone cause I won’t actually be ready and by the time I am, I’ll have used up all my spoons for the day and be no fun going out anyways. But it doesn’t bother me like it used to. Why? Because my peace is more important <3