It’s nearly lunchtime and my day has only somewhat began. I have dishwasher going and I have managed to get dressed and eat breakfast. Those are big chores for me, though I know it doesn’t sound like much. I’m drinking coffee and watching a show, waiting for the sunshine to hit the rest of the backyard. It’s cold in the shade but I look forward to puttering in the sunshine shortly. I’m going to take my chair and my stool and pull some weeds. At least until my back says otherwise. I’ve got my phone charging so I can listen to music or listen to the chatter of my zoo like backyard ha-ha. The birds bicker and chase each other, the bunnies attempt to come out but then the dog chases them off. The hummingbirds zip around and the blue jays squawk at one another. The squirrels and occasionally the raccoons are on the fence or in the trees and the squirrels chatter incessantly because the dog won’t let them come near the ground. It’s actually hilarious, they act like bickering siblings.
I point all of this out because I’ve been in such a flatline funk lately. Nothing has had me smiling, not my favorite music or shows, not the Eagle/Hawks in the backyard or the chattering of the other birds, not… anything. I’ve been merely getting through each day, watching time pass me by. The docs upped my meds to determine if I need a higher dose or if the meds are stealing my joy. I put off grocery shopping until I literally had a few things of rice and beans left. Even when I did go, I dreaded it. Well, that’s an understatement. I had my headphones in and was in peoples way because I didn’t hear them next to me. The pharmacy STILL didn’t have my prescription (I was there the day before and confirmed the doc sent it) and I ended up taking over an hour and almost collapsing at the checkout stand because I was in so much pain. But I had such a lovely conversation with the young man (young lol, he was really about my age) who helped me out to my car. He was so kind and told me to get home and rest. It made me smile. Then I spent yesterday in my pajamas and watching shows. Today, there is this itty bitty spark in me and I plan to run with it! I have no expectations and if I do it for five minutes and feel so “meh” that I want to go back to my couch, so be it. But at least I will have tried. Because if we know anything about me, it’s that I don’t give up with a fight. Wish me luck!