A JUNGLE IN THERE

He sometimes made up things in his head, lies in which he believed.  They would start out small, say, after an awkward moment with Paul or a minor misunderstanding.  They would then grow inside his head until he was sick with worry and insecurity. 

Paul was not right that night, a little grumpy, and this made Jake feel awkward.  Was it him?  It was not.  But the residue left behind unsettled him.  He withdrew into his mind and felt cheated, cheated out of a nice dinner with his boyfriend.  Paul was unwilling to discuss why he was in a foul mood, so Jake did not press him out of respect.  Instead, he attempted to be charming, most likely over compensating to cover the clouds, and his efforts went unheeded.

Jake interpreted this to mean that he was not sexy, not funny, and certainly not with whom Paul would like to be having a meal.  This thought grew and grew inside his head and Jake, our poor Jake, asked for help.  Please guide my thinking today.  Please give me the tools to handle this.  He knew his thinking was not right, but it persisted.  He did nothing wrong, and in fact did everything right.  All he could do was be present, listen, and try to make the best of the situation.  Jake only wished that when these situations arose, he had the ability to stand back and let them pass without penetration. 

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