Last week my mother said she was thinking of buying me an appartment in a building that is going to be built in our neighbourhood. She thinks it should be finished and ready for me to move in it in about four years. And of course, I should be ready to move and live independently at that time: I will be 27 years old. I am my parents’ oldest child, so I have to be the first one to have her own appartment; the first one to move out.
But the thing is, I’m not ready for that. I am not independent, and I’m beginning to doubt whether I will ever be. I am chronically unemployed, I can’t see myself doing any job successfully in the future, I consider myself to be completely useless and I don’t even know how to run a household. And the worst thing is that I have no plan and no idea how to change this situation. I can’t see myself as a grown up at the age of 27.
I don’t need an appartment of my own. I don’t need money. I don’t need pressure. That seems to be all my mother can do for me, but it is not what I need. I need support, encouragement and help to get organized and learn to be independent. And I’m not getting it because she believes I should grow up by myself. My needs are not being met, and I’m afraid all I will get in four years will be an expensive appartment, a lot of bills I cannot pay, a stressful and disorganized life and my mother’s frustration at my inability to become an adult.