I Don’t Need an Appartment

Last week my mother said she was thinking of buying me an appartment in a building that is going to be built in our neighbourhood. She thinks it should be finished and ready for me to move in it in about four years. And of course, I should be ready to move and live independently at that time: I will be 27 years old. I am my parents’ oldest child, so I have to be the first one to have her own appartment; the first one to move out.

But the thing is, I’m not ready for that. I am not independent, and I’m beginning to doubt whether I will ever be. I am chronically unemployed, I can’t see myself doing any job successfully in the future, I consider myself to be completely useless and I don’t even know how to run a household. And the worst thing is that I have no plan and no idea how to change this situation. I can’t see myself as a grown up at the age of 27.

I don’t need an appartment of my own. I don’t need money. I don’t need pressure. That seems to be all my mother can do for me, but it is not what I need. I need support, encouragement and help to get organized and learn to be independent. And I’m not getting it because she believes I should grow up by myself. My needs are not being met, and I’m afraid all I will get in four years will be an expensive appartment, a lot of bills I cannot pay, a stressful and disorganized life and my mother’s frustration at my inability to become an adult.

2 thoughts on “I Don’t Need an Appartment”

  1. I’m not understanding something here. You’re 23, you’re already an adult. You do need to get out on your own. The bills you will be able to pay, because in the preceding 4 years, you will have gotten a paying job, right?
    The best way you can learn to do all the things you need to do to because what you consider an adult is, is to actually move out on your own. It’s a stage we all need to achieve to become independent.
    You simply can’t really have the luxury of seeing yourself as unemployed forever because you don’t see yourself as doing a job successfully. Why would you even want that? It’s a matter of applying yourself to the task.
    Your mother is not wrong, I’m afraid to say.

  2. @AngelsUncle yes, I am 23, but I don’t function like an adult in any setting aside from college. I think I do need to grow up, but I can’t do it without a plan, and I can’t make a plan by myself. This is partly because of some problems I have with excecuting functions: the ability to organize, prioritize, initiate, regulate and focus on actions or tasks. Also, even if I could make a plan, my autism makes big changes like getting a job or learning how to do a new chore something very anxiety-provoking, and if I am told to do it without any specific instructions and all by myself, the situation becomes traumatic (I know it by experience; I still remember meltdowns I had at the age of 6 because of this approach). So, if my mother cared to give me the education I actually need, she would teach me how to change a light bulb, how to cook something that isn’t pasta and how to do the ironing before sending me away and expecting me to fend for myself. Also, my unemployment is my main problem right now, so if she wants to help me she should try to get me a job, not an appartment I definitley don’t need. Besides, I have already lived away from home when I was a camp counselor, and I haven’t learned much from that.

    Of course I don’t wish to be unemployed at 27, but the thing is, when I was a child I thought I was going to be working at 18, and now I’m 23 and still not working. So I can’t predict the future, and every day my chances of getting a paying job get smaller, because now I have to explain why I haven’t worked in the past 8 months. I’m still trying, but I get very few interviews and they all turn me down. I have even applied for supported employment for adults with autism at an NGO, but they haven’t called me yet. So I have no way to know if I’ll be working by 27. All I know is the present. And in the present I am unemployed, I don’t even know how to swipe a credit card, and I certainly don’t need an appartment.

Leave a Comment: