[540] ~*Wed – 05/15/19*~

[2:03 pm]

I feel blah right now. First, one of the cats scratched our new window casing in the bathroom and I’m not too happy about it. I can probably fix it by putting some stain on the scratches but I’m still not impressed and me being me, it’s bugging me way more than it should. Why can’t I just let lil things like this go?! I don’t want to think about it anymore but I can’t stop. Being like I am is really draining and it’s putting me in a very sad mood.

I got out of bed about half an hour ago and I really didn’t wanted to get out of bed today and face the day. Those scratches are still on my mind and it is stupid and I want to stop thinking about it. Nothing stays new for ever. First thing I did when I got out of bed, walk in the bathroom and look at the casing as if it was going to change anything. On top of that, I didn’t even use that bathroom, I just went in there to check that out and then I went in the downstairs bathroom to do my business. Like I’ve said, I’m just putting myself into a very sad mood right now.

I ended up twisting my foot last night when I was heading to bed. I stepped on one of the cats toys and my foot did not like it. It’s not too painful but it is when I try to walk. We need to put the tires in the car but I think hub will have to do it by himself cause I’m not sure I can help.

I was also hoping that we would do some outside work today but it rained so everything is wet (guess it gives us an excuse) and also my foot. I’m just disappointed that we did not do it yesterday like we were supposed to.

I need to go to the office to get my pay check which is such a pain in the ass and I need to mail that pension plan thing which I still don’t really know what I’m doing so I think I will just leave it where it is for now and hope that I won’t lose it all.

Alright, I should get ready as we need to head out but hub is still playing on the PS4 but time is going and we have some shit to get done. I’m just not sure if we should go with both cars so we have one to go somewhere while they work on the other or just ask them to drive us. I think we will go to the Casino for the buffet.

I’m just thinking again that we need new tires and I have no darn idea how much this will cost us but again, disappointed and sad mood. Blah! Hopefully this day will get a lil better cause I’m really feeling down right now and I don’t like feeling this way.

At least I got the laundry done yesterday after we went out. I just didn’t put it away. I also did the dishes so today I will just have the suggies kitchen to do if I even do it, may wait till tomorrow. I should prob wash my bras though cause I’m running low.

Okay, okay, I need to stop writing, get ready and try to get into a better mood cause this mood is just no fun at all cause I just want to go back to bed and sleep some more and not think about anything.

[5:47 pm]

Blah! The day isn’t going any better. I went to the office to get my pay and I am looking at it now and I am missing some mileage. Arg! I have three clients, how can they mess that up. They had  been doing so good since I stopped working there full time. I emailed the lady in charge to have her look back at my mileage.

While I was over there, I spoke to the boss and she advised that we were getting a raise of 50 cents. Woohoo! As if that was enough to make me go back full time. Oh hell no! For some reason we ended up talking about claiming our expenses and I advised that I never claimed mine because the guy that does our taxes said I couldn’t and she is stating that I should be able to claim my stuff cause I need my car for my work. I just wrote an email to another company to see what they have to say cause I don’t want to be half an hour on the phone waiting for an answer from the revenue agency. I’ll see what he has to say and will go from there. Maybe I can claim all those past years and get some money. That would be nice.

We took the car to the dealership and of course, we need new tires which they don’t have at the moment so we will have to take the car back tomorrow. We didn’t even get what needed to be done, done and it cost us $270 as the car needed new front brakes. Blah!

We went to the Casino while we were waiting and I did really good cause I didn’t play any money.

I’m still in a super sad mood cause we still haven’t done any yard work and I really want those gutters clean. Our driveway also look very terrible. I think this winter was bad for it cause the bump at the end of the driveway is worse and the hole beside the house is also worse. I don’t think there is any saving the driveway, we would need to have a new one done and that is super expensive. Trying to keep up with a house is so much work.

I’ve sent out my pension plan papers. Don’t know if they will have enough time to get there but I hope so. I have decided to keep it where it is for now as I really don’t know what I want to do with it. Really I would want to move it but I don’t cause me and my OCD, my account and hub’s account need to match and I don’t really feel like opening a new account just for that. 

Thinking about how I am just makes me want to cry. I wish I could be like hub and not have a care in the world and just go with the flow and not think about anything. It seems so nice. My brain can’t stop thinking and there is always something to make me stress or sad. I just want to stop thinking and just enjoy each day as I know I am blessed and all we are facing is normal things of life and nothing major to where I should feel like I am feeling. I’m trying to work on this so hard and I’m not going anywhere. Like I am trying not to think about the scratches on the new casing and nope, can’t stop thinking about it. With me, it’s either stuff is new and need to stay new or stuff is old. I cannot deal with the in between to where it is new and slowly get old. I just don’t know what to do with myself. I’m also very discouraged in myself as I feel I’m lazy and not doing anything on my days off. I have such a long list of things to get done and yet, I’m not doing any of it and the list just keeps getting longer and longer. I’m actually very scared to go on vacation and kinda feel like I just want to stay home and try to catch up on things. 

So yea, I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore. My brain is my worse enemy. This is why I love working like I do cause then I don’t have to think about my personal stuff. I just lose myself in my work.

[8:51 pm]

Meh! I just washed my bras, put away the laundry, washed the suggies kitchen and prepped the garbage for tomorrow morning in hope that it would make me feel better but it didn’t. Guess this is just meant to be a very depressed and sad day. I really hope tomorrow will be a better day but I doubt cause we will have the bill of the tires and that will put us in the minus for this month and that will make me sad. I just hope the tires of the other car are still good and we won’t need to buy some for that one as well or else, we will be spending all our savings of this year.

This is just one very blah day. 


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