The Black Sheep

 The title of this one should say it all. I’m the black sheep of my family at least that’s how it feels every holiday. I seen all these photos posted on social media of all the get togethers and cookouts, and it makes me feel so alone. Like why don’t we get an invite or what’s wrong with me. I know I shouldn’t over think things such as this but it bothers me that out family isn’t as close as it use to be. Put it this way I was out this past weekend with my boyfriend, his mom and step dad and I ran into my uncle who I haven’t seen in 3 years. I wasn’t sure it was him and he wasn’t sure it was me, which it should be that way especially when we live rather close to each other. It just seems like family doesn’t mean what it use to mean back when I was a kid st least not with my family. I do admit that I don’t try hard enough to stay in contact but I do send invites to my kids birthday parties, other parties we have and Christmas cards but it’s very rare for anyone to show up from my side of family. Even through they don’t show I keep sending it in hopes they will but I will not force or beg anyone to be in my life or in my kids life. To be brutally honest I have friends who treat me more like family then my own family does and my boyfriend’s family even treats me better and makes me feel included. So I wonder why my family isn’t like that. So holidays can be hard on me just because I’m remind that my family doesn’t want me around which can make me moody like today. I didn’t wanna do anything at all but we did go to my parents for a small cookout. Was invited over to our neighbors but didn’t go I just didn’t feel like being around others. So it’s me sitting at home in my room alone with the dog while my kids watch their shows and my boyfriend is having guys card night at a friends. I’m glad he’s having down time he works too hard and a lot he deserves a a night to himself for once. Plus i wasnt the most pleasent person to be around today. I need to get my head right and realize it’s not me it’s them but my anxiety makes it difficult. Hopefully tomorrow is better….

One thought on “The Black Sheep”

  1. I hope ALL your tomorrows will be better, MommaBear. I’m sorry your family isn’t nurturing and supportive. It’s great that your husband’s family shows they love you.
    And you have friends closer than family. God bless you, and may He heal you of anxiety and depression, in Jesus’ Name. Amen. HUGS from “Grace”

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