day 277

You know how I have written about not feeling anything before? No emotions, positive or negative, nothing at all. Well, now I know I am not the only one (not)feeling like that. There is a song ”feel something” by Bea Miller that talks exactly about that. (Although I am not sure if I like the sound of the song, but the lyrics are spot-on.) But even more than the song, there are some tweets Bea posted that describe how I was feeling (or maybe still do) better than what I was able to write myself. Here they are: ”i’ve been trying to cope with the mediocrity of life because recently it hasn’t been a sad experience but it hasn’t been a happy one either. i tried my best to put that into words almost selfishly because i wanted to know if i’m the problem or if we all go through it. i can remember so many days when i couldn’t get out of bed because a deep sadness was looming over me and so many nights i couldn’t sleep because i was so excited for what i knew the morning was bringing, but i haven’t felt either of those extremes for so long. i hate to say that i would rather feel sad than not feel anything but i’ve never been more alive than when i was experiencing extreme emotions, which i know is fucked up but life is super weird.”

I don’t know, my life is just so extremely boring I think there are no opportunities for me to feel anything. If anything would actually happen to me, maybe I would feel something, but nothing ever does, so there is no reason for my feelings to show up.



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