Is He My Rebound?

Do I really love him? I tell him I do, but am I telling the truth… I thought I could fall in love again, I thought that I could brush it off. In reality, I’m in pain and I hate it so much. The love of my life left me without saying bye and I’ve been stuck here thinking it was my fault that he left me… was I not good enough? I guess I deserved it, I was a shit of a girlfriend and friend… I should have tried harder and maybe I wouldn’t be crying as I write this. So other than my heart slowly breaking, I tried to find a way to keep the pain away from me so I downloaded this app that let me talk to random people and for a while, it was helping me keep my mind away from my heart. I met this guy there and he and I started talking more and more till out of nowhere I became his girlfriend… gosh I’m dumb. I just hate hurting people and that’s why I get hurt myself, I do anything to make people happy. He and I met up since we didn’t live that far and we watched a movie and I really thought this would show me that I loved him, but it didn’t because I’m still looking out of my window thinking or my ex and I’m still crying before I go to bed wondering what I could have done better… I’m stuck in this bubble and I can’t pop it. I just keep lying, to him and to myself… The only thing keeping me from going crazy is music because when I’m upset I can go on YouTube and watch all the dancing and all the smiling that just makes me join along and I feel as if everything were ok. In fact, I just put on music so I could help myself keep my “cool” while typing this entry. I don’t wanna hurt him, but while trying to keep him happy I’m hurting myself because the guy that promised that he would marry me and have a family with me killed me in the worst way possible. What do you guys think I should do?

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