day 309

Now that I am working evenings I can’t watch youtube then. So I have to watch youtube in the mornings instead, but it just does not feel right, it feels weird, unnatural, wrong. Watching youtube is usually the last thing I do before going to sleep and doing it before I start my day is odd. I can’t relax in the same way, knowing the whole day is still in front of me.

I went swimming before lunch, for a coffee after it and to work in the evening.

I do not think I have told you what I think of my job yet, have I? I guess it is okay, but definitely not something I would want to do as a regular job. It is dull and repetitive and I find myself hoping 11 p.m. would come as soon as possible and I could finally go home. But to be honest, I have never had a job I actually enjoyed. It has always been the same. Doing the same thing day after day after day is killing me. I can’t stand it. The thing is, I feel like every job is like that. Doing the same thing day after day after day after day. It kind of worries me that when I eventually get a regular full time job I will be as unsatisfied as I am now, working for a week. I do not think I could manage working the same job for forty years. What forty, not even one single year. But seeing how fucking monotonous life of an average adult is makes me realize why they usually are so lifeless, boring even. And chances are, I will become just another one of those soulless creatures that roam this world even though I am going to resist it until the end. Maybe a way to make a job bearable is to work with friends, or someone you are comfortable with and enjoy their company. I have worked with my brother one day and it was certainly more manageable. Also, I have never worked with people my age, always with some 40+ year olds and with my inability to socialize with strangers it was only an additional factor to my unhappiness. If there is at least someone my age I feel more comfortable and it is a bit better. Well, I still have some time before I enter the workforce full time, so I just want to enjoy while being a student and I will think of a solution then.

 

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