Tues aug. 13, back, face pics

Didn’t wake to 6 30 alarm very tired. Made coffee, heard audible steps upstairs. Swept upstairs, found shoes that were deep under my bed on the middle of front br. Floor. A sweater arm was pulled out to hang where I’d notice it. 

Around 8.20am a light blue van with stickers on rear drove past with someone heavy driving, a Male. Pale arms. Green often looks pale but I couldn’t make the face. This van drives by alot. I thought it was neighbors or someone with kids. Pink ribbon sticker on back. 

8.34 black van made 3rd pass since I’ve been on the porch. The car symbol goes almost bumper to bumper, the logos I looked at online seem to resemble a Chrysler. The logo is silver and looks like straight wings, no curves. 

8.40 tan and white truck drove past, driver looking right at me. Grey ballcap, short black hair, ballcap pulled up awAy from face. I’m thinking that’s green. 

2.30pm tan white truck pulled down alley to green residence, green driving wearing a type hat people wear at the beach or birding, round rimmed. He had bright green tshirt on. He changed clothes where ever he went this morning. I had the whole day to myself today. No matter he’ll be back tonight. 

2.35 car pulled up in front of my house, thought it was neighbors  company. A bright green jeep appears, couldn’t make driver or passenger but felt they are gang members, car took off after them. So I guess my gut was right on.

3pmish I was on my way to appt. On outer black truck with chrome on front appeared out of nowhere I had only made 2 blocks. The driver was so slow, I’m sure it was green. I got the light at frt. St, and watched my rear. It took quite awhile for the truck to make the bend. Certainly it’s green. It’s what he does. Got to freeway entrance and decided to keep going to the next turn, traffic was good to me and I made the freeway easily. He got stopped at the light, couldn’t turn onto freeway from there. Not that he won’t find me just wanted to shake him momentarily. Let him know I know hes followed. So weird he follows me. What does he think I’m going to do right? Or maybe hoping I meet up with a female friend he can also victimize. Not gonna happen. Only the women I’ve known will I hang with,  more than likely they’re victims already. I won’t intro another to this hell. 

Guy who lives at 4300 next street drove past, stopped in front of my house so I can make him, driving his white dodge older model ram. This is the black guy who threatened my roomie and possibly me.

6 30ish pm black man from other street drove greyblue  ram truck wearing white derby. Green had a green safari hat.  Another man, blonde driving old tan rusty Chevy pickup had a beige or tan safari hat.

8 45 pm green drove by in a neighbor’s truck, white with black emblem along the sides. I wondered if owner of truck was involved in the gang, he drives by alot and seemed to be in the posse often enough. Unless green stole it while neighbors sleeping or somewhere else. Green wearing dark cap and clothing, cap was trying to hide his face. 

On porch for awhile no noises after 8.30 or so. My neighbor came to visit for a bit. Greens going to be angry he kissed me. Concerned now for Danny. 

Garlic oil on crucifix. 

Oil in my hair and on my face. 

Garlic oil on sink water handles. 

Soaps been carved to leave bits when I use it. Oil in tub. Tub backed up. Same stuff different day. 

Washed hair, it smelled like greens sweat. 

Neck looks swollen to me, its bigger, can’t define bones, but doesn’t feel swollen to palpate and atm there’s no discernable bumps of swelling, no dark spots I can see though the base of neck and below are a little red. I feel airs being cut off when I bend at the neck. 

I’m very tired, nauseated. I do have a concussion. Though if I go to doc’s, would they notice anything? 

Tmi-waste very small more than likely cause by the beating around my torso and back to make organs swell, or organs being pushed from the swelling.  Unknown, it’s my theory and atm don’t know how to test it to find if this is the case or not.  Painful to go. Feels kind of raw. 

If green indeed were in that van how did he get out of my house with nary a tell tale sound of a window opening? For Pete’s sake this isn’t looking good for me, makes me appear to be quite wrong. The pain though, idk if there’s any marks this morning I didn’t look yet. 

Hips, ankles, feet and back hurt. Knees as well. I feel like my hips were beat on they feel raw along the sides. I’m tired. Getting more difficult by the day to be attentive. Getting more forgetful, painfully slow to do tasks. 

Ears hurt on inside and feel full. Brain fluid absent in ear atm. Nose not runny. Suffering confusion, disorientation. Right ear is usually always worse. It seems he likes to hit me the most on that side though he does the left too. From what I remember the leakage has always been my right ear. 

He strangled me last night my voice more froggy this am and strange sounds come out when I bend. I don’t have medical condition to cause it. 

9.00 am my forehead aching badly. Been suffering from dry eye for long time now. Eyes feel swollen again, they weren’t yesterday. 

Lips feel rough, inside where top of my teeth meet the mouth feels sore. 

9.10am left side of my head feels sore like it were hit. 

Bottle of small engine oil on my porch used twice just a little for lawn mower is totally empty. It’s what green does. Idk if he used it on floors or if he used it and brought the empty container back. Smh. Unbelievable. I know roomie didn’t empty it, he would have thrown away empty container and told me. 

Had chance to view medical records from twc. Apparently someone misunderstood me when I was sent to the hospital and wrote I was dx with delusional disorder 10 yrs ago. I wasn’t even under psychiatrist 10 years ago. I did have a therapist, not going to say dx because I now know it was due  to concussions and behavior mimics some forms of mental illness.  Early on, due to concussions I was dx with a lot of different things, I’m not going to lie about it. Now I know what’s been happening and it makes a hell of a lot more sense to me me now. Even some of my therapists early on thought I may have sustained head injury. Of  course it probably not in any records. Therapists are pretty vague when they write notes and why would they include something like Patient Seems to have head injury if I denied it? Lord have mercy. It seems every time I try to get help things are made worse. This false dx is taking a life of its own! To note, for a long time, many months I haven’t had concussions and I’m different. My mood has been generally cheery and happy. I have been encouraging. When concussed I’m irritable, moody, hair trigger temper that I’m usually able to control, unusually depressed, thoughts and speech jumbled, unusually tired, etc. All the signs of head trauma, and it looks like a few mental disorders in the GSM. Ellie and one other therapist were on track with head trauma. I’ve had lay people who have had experience with head trauma tell me I seem to have a head injury. That was way back, when my nightmare began. Circumstantial can’t be proven. I don’t even remember these peoples names and I’m going back 25-30 years. Over time it appears as though I really have something wrong as he has kept me under concussions. Idk how much longer before he gives me a good one again. I think he did hit me on the top of my head, not very hard. When I touch it I can feel some pain. 

I’ve put on at least 10lbs, and barely eating. I’m so swollen especially in midriff. My sides are on fire. There’s some marks but they actually look like skin folds, when I straighten them there’s no sign of bruising. I can feel it though. Nothing new on me, this is how my body rolls. I knew I wouldn’t get anything photo worthy. Sigh. 

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