tearing all up

sometimes i just woke perfectly good and i just do the things i gotta do.

but some days are just empty and in my chest grows some kind of heavy pain, turning everything into grey;

i like being alone but not feel alone. you know what i mean? this sensation of not fit at all, this weird feeling of not belong or being from a different galaxy.

sometimes it’s ok. then suddenly it is not.

like nothing that i own is actually mine, not even myself;

and life seems like a view that you see pretty fast when you’re sitting in a back of an car, that’s how i feel some days.

everything happens so fast,

all the laughs

all the kisses

all the touches

and when it all stops

when it all ends, there’s no reason at all to keep going;

moving on alone without yourself and all the little pieces that you left in those moments.

the drink i always like to order no longer taste the same

and the smoke i always hated feels good when i take a deep breath

i start to wonder wich me am I.

the one when i smile around people – i think- that i like

or the one that have panic attacks in the bathroom, all alone.

the one that lies and fake feelings cause can’t feel nothing anymore

or the one that tries love and understand other people’s pain.

am i everything and something else? or am i just that.

this mess puzzle

with no enough pieces.

all the memories in my head, are they real? i always have a hard time to remember what you smell like and it makes me so mad at myself.

so i live pretending. the one you see

not me

the one i see

not me.

i am long gone.

and the time continue to fly

leaving all behind.

i just wish i could fly too.

 

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